Why do I shop at ASDA?

I have no idea why I do it. I hate it. Every time I go there, I leave feeling unclean, like my soul has been raped by a leper. It's disgusting. It's the only supermarket I know that still uses jingles, you know the sort:

you shop at Asda
savings are quite likely
you shop at Asda
because you are a pikey!

I realise the irony of criticising people for going to a shop I go to, for the same reasons I go there. But I hardly ever do it. There is football tonight and I wanted some good beer, cheap. I thought asda would sort me out, but they didn't, it was as expensive as everywhere else.

The place is just full of unhealthy fat people. And they always pay cash. Three trolley fulls of food, 14 kids, and a bill of £268 and they bring out a bunch of £20s. I am convinced this is because they are all tax-dodging wankers.

As I left, there was a surreal moment, with the PA playing "I have a dream" by Abba; sure, I have a dream of shopping somewhere without the risk of catching scabies off my fellow shoppers. Anyway, I was pushing my trolley out when one of the dumb mutts wandered aimlessly into my path, with a dull look in their eyes that told me their brain had vacated the premises after their last can of white lightening; I rammed my trolley violently into theirs and left the store. "Fucking twat" I thought as I heard the she/he thing whimper "Sorry...."